Less than Perfect: The Rules of the House

Before Buddy and Cuddles arrived, Silver Fox and I had discussed and agreed on our parenting style - strict but fair. We liked the idea of structure and rules and believe kids need them to feel secure and know their boundaries.

So much for what we thought...setting rules or guidelines for Buddy and Cuddles has been tricky, we thought it would be pretty straightforward but as is usual with children the ah, unexpected is usually what happens. These are some rules of the house, some of which, we never in our wildest dreams could have imagined...

Thou shalt sit on your bottom, in a chair at the table, not your feet, hands, head or your mother's stability ball.
Thou shalt not eat in the living room and leave banana peels, apple cores or carrots under the couch for your Mummy to find days or weeks later. Also, pushing them under the rug is a no-no.
Thou shalt not draw on walls, furniture, Mummy's handbag or shoes with crayon, permanent marker or paints.
Thou shalt not eat 1/2 a tube of Mummy and Daddy's toothpaste and spread the rest on their comforter.
Thou shalt not cut anything with scissors except for paper this includes but is by no means limited to: your hair or anyone elses, crib mobiles, your clothes or anyone elses, tampons, cheque books, lipsticks or Daddy's socks.
Thou shalt not "redecorate" your room with your mother's nail polish
Thou shalt not pretend Mummy's shoes and handbag are "cups" and a "teapot" and fill them with water at "tea time"
Thou shalt not retrieve food from the garbage can and eat it behind the couch.
Thou shalt not pour milk on a bowl of cat food and tell your sister its "cheerios".
Thou shalt not pee against the neighbours front fence, trees or Mummy's hydrangeas. That's what toilets are for.
Thou shalt not try to fit your sister in the freezer because she has a fever
Thou shalt not put anything into your nose or ears, this includes but is not limited to; vegetables of any kind, beads, rubber things, pencil tips, tampons and barbie shoes.
Thou shalt not clean the windows with vaseline
Thou shalt not paint with anything except paint, this includes but is not limited to: mashed potatoes, toothpaste, whipped cream, sweet potato soup, hair gel and body lotion.
Thou shalt not put a whole container of hair wax in your hair
Thou shalt not flush anything except toilet paper down the toilet, this includes but is not limited to: hair bands, hair brushes, tooth brushes, hot wheels cars, dolls clothes or Mummy's watch
Thou shalt not point out people's physical appearance in public, in loud voices or suggest they go on a diet.
Thou shalt stay within line of sight of Mummy at all times and not claim to have x-ray vision, you cannot see Mummy from two aisles away no matter how "super" your eyesight.
Thou shalt not lick the salt from corn chips, chips or Cheetos and then put them back into the bowl
Thou shalt not chew your vegetables and then spit them out onto the table because they are "fibery". Food stays in your mouth, mouth stays closed.
Thou shalt not select, as the "one" piece of candy you are allowed after dinner, the huge chocolate rabbit the size of your head. You know what I meant.